One of the great influences in my life, my acting coach CK McFarland, gave our Advanced Film class this exercise to do. It is called a love letter from God. It is a letter from God written to you by you acknowledging your accomplishments, acknowledging the obstacles you have overcome in your life, appreciating the person you are, and thanking you for being a part of His creation. We wrote our letters and read them aloud in class---it was one of the most profound moments in my life, and I think every one of us in that class would agree. What does it have to do with acting? Well, if we are going to have the audacity to demand the spotlight, to ask people to pay attention and listen to what we have to say, then we better learn how to love ourselves in our own hearts first. It is about learning how to stand in the highest and yet, most humbling place in ourselves. That's stage presence, baby! This is all part of CK's beautiful philosophy which I have blogged about and you can read more about here.
This letter was hard to write, and even harder to read aloud. But it provided a relief, a joy, a pain, and closure. It's easy to list the "nice" qualities about ourselves, but it's when we have to get down to the nitty gritty, to understand what makes us so special that the Master of the universe wanted us here on His earth, that it becomes a deep soul search. I recommend this exercise to absolutely everyone. We all need it.
I debated about whether to post this letter because it is very personal, but the reason I did is because I want it to be a daily reminder, I want it to become a joyous thing for me to read, not one that brings back pain. I want it to be a letter of celebration. Others have told me that my letter particularly was inspiring to them and I want to share it with you as well.
Dear Lindsay
I wish I would hear from you more often. But know that even if we don’t always speak, I am always thinking of you and always fighting for you. I know you feel bad for being distant. Remember, I forgive you.
Thank you for being a true gift to my world- you are a gift to those who know you, your family especially, and though you don’t have a lot of close friends, you have surrounded yourself with those who choose to see your beauty, your awkwardness, your craziness, your love, your passion, your fury. You are who I made you to be and you don’t apologize for it. Thank you for giving me that trust. Even though sometimes you think you are one of my “malfunctioned models” and think I said “aw crap” when I created you “in my image”, rest assured, you are exactly who I want you to be. You are someone who continues to question and to grow, to make herself better, to challenge her world and herself.
You have lived a life full of angst. You were frustrated at a young age when you couldn’t explain the difficulties of your heart- you just felt them take over your happiness. But You allowed the love of your family to bring you to me and to professional help so we could all work together to heal you. Though you didn’t realize it then, the power of the love of your family is what has made you a survivor and what will carry you through the rest of your life. No you didn’t battle hunger, poverty, illness, divorce, or death; you fought an internal battle of depression and anxiety. Don’t dismiss those battles as trivial. You have battled ADD and difficulty in school. You have battled rape and extreme heartbreak. While for a long time it brought you down, slowed you down, and shut you out, you have found that small wedge of light and crawled slowly toward it, slipping and falling along the way. That is what a true fighter does. Continues on. Continues on and continues to sing. Though those dark years may have masked your joy and your desire for life, you have found yourself again and come out stronger with an even bigger zest, all along never failing in your trust for me. You have used your hardships as lessons from me and have spread the word of my love through your experience and used it as an inspiration for your art. You are real. You are someone people can relate to. You aren’t the cookie cutter Christian. You are rough around the edges and that’s someone people want to listen to.
I know you feel like you haven’t reached your goals, but you simply aren’t there yet. I won’t let you get there yet. You have too much more to learn, too much more to experience. But you have accomplished so much along the way...even though you, of course, think those accomplishments aren’t good enough. You went from a small child with a learning disability with poor grades, to a college graduate with several degrees and a 3.7 GPA. Not only that but you have conquered your battle with ADD with the power of your mind, not even purchasing the medication you were once required to take. You live a life filled with the weight of chronic depression and anxiety, yet choose to not let it overtake you. Even when on some days it slows you down, you come out fighting the next. Life is too precious and you refuse to let this disease take away your passion.
Not only is your life full of accomplishment, it is full of change and “man on the moon” sized dreams. Those are the people who change the world, and I believe you will be one of them. I know you are deathly afraid that you won’t amount to anything, but you just haven’t seen my grand scheme of things for you- and baby, it is grand! I will tell you why: Because You won’t settle – you will always stir the pot – you will always seek more – you will always seek the truth of the world and of the heart. Those are the people who make the biggest difference. But remember, big changes don’t come over night. It is the little simple steps we take together each day that will change our lives in the long run. Even when they seem too small to make a difference, remember I am taking those steps with you, right beside you. That is how important they are. I am blessed to have a person in my world that is as passionate as you are. I was passionate when I created the earth and you are passionate about keeping my creation. Your heart for animals, your dog and cats, wildlife, and humanity is truly humbling. Your desire to understand the different types of people on this earth is inspiring to those who know you. So keep fighting, keep exploring, keep desiring, keep questioning, keep loving. You already have all the tools you need. Remember, I put those desires in your heart. You will find what you are looking for, I promise.
God
