Open up your mind, let your fantasies unwind in the darkness that you know you cannot fight. Close your eyes, let your spirit start to soar, and you'll live as you've never lived before. Let your soul take you where you long to be.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

What I Know I Am

Look me in the eye
It’s okay if you’re scared- so am I
But we’re scared for different reasons
I’m scared of what I won’t become
You’re scared of what I could become
Look at me
I won’t let myself end where I started
I won’t let myself finish where I began
I know what is within me
Even if you can’t see it yet
Look me in the eyes
I have something more important than courage
I have patience
I will become what I know I am

These past two weeks I have experienced an epiphany of epic of proportions. I feel as if I’ve been freed. Freed to live. To explore. To pursue. To demand. I feel as if the doors have been opened and I am finally ready to walk through them. What brought on this epiphany? I realized that the life I was once offered here is not the one I want. So what am I still doing here? What is holding me back? Absolutely nothing. I WILL NOT let the fear make the decision for me. Fear of failure. Fear of being far away from the people I love. It is time for me to embrace the world, to find the life I was meant to live. To find my future. My future family. My future impact on the world. And I am ready now more than ever. Not only have I been given the power of capability, I have been given the confidence by those coaches who know the industry so well. “Lindsay, you’re so damn good. You’re ready.” The words every young budding artist is eager to hear. But the world has a way of pulling the rug out from underneath you, just to keep you on your toes, as if one final cruel gesture before you make that ultimate decision, just to see if you have what it takes to conquer. The second big lesson I learned is that no one, and I mean no one, can break my spirit. Go ahead and try. Push me down. Take away what I cherish. But don’t you dare stand in my fucking way. In the midst of my new found freedom, I was hurt. My spirits were broken and my trust was severed. And while I must stop to reflect, I realize that heartbreak, rejection, and simple kick you in the crotch luck is what I will be experiencing everyday in my new found freedom. Why? Because I have the choice. I have the choice and I have made the choice to grab the world by the balls and say “I dare you”. So I dare you. Break my spirits. Give me heartache. Turn my world upside down. Cause me doubt. Make me second guess myself. I’ll just be that much stronger. I will become what I know I am--- and no one will say otherwise.

You will see me in 6 months, NYC- mark my words.

1 comment:

  1. I am so proud of you sister!! I am behind you 200% of the way:)
    love u,